Mika stops procrastinating and acts....

This is from our lovely guest blogger Mika Simmons (http://www.mikasimmons.com/) I read her entry and promptly burst into tears. I resonated so much (not with the acting) but with everything else. Here's to you, Mika! And to all of us on this journey. WE ARE A BRAVE, WONDERFUL TRIBE AND HERE'S TO MAKING THAT PHONECALL, TAKING THAT BABY STEP, SENDING THAT EMAIL......

Right here, right now.

xxx

From GUESTBLOGGER Mika 25th February 2009.

 

Synchronised confessions of a recovering artist

 

Let’s do the Artist’s Way?

Yes great idea

If I sign up – I might just finish it this time!

 

You need to be writing a Blog - I am told by my Astrologer

 

Want to blog? - Suzy asks the next day

Wow - I think - that’s weird

OK

 

Week 9 – She says

No problem – I smirk. A deep, dark subconscious voice whispering - that gives me loads of time to catch up when I get behind

The chapter title ‘Recovering a sense of Compassion’

Easy - I think - after all, I am a Pisces and a therapist

 

Change of plan - Suzy says - need you for Week 4

I race to my book to check the chapter’s title – ‘Recovering a Sense of Integrity’ - it says

 

I am busted!!

I leap

And we are off ……..

 

 

Week one

 

Is anyone else procrastinating? - Suzy asked

Maybe a little bit - I thought – but no, not really, not me, nope

I’m just really busy

My ‘things to do’ are not procrastinations they are real

Next week will be clearer, for sure

 

 

Week two

 

Surprisingly, things are pretty busy again

But my ‘things’ are definitely not procrastinations – I protest - they are genuinely, incredibly important things that just have to be done or the world will fall apart

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am on board. The morning pages are being done, I am scraping through the exercises, and I do have enough compassion for myself to feel this is good enough

 

 

Week three

 

Hang on

I am still really really busy

And suddenly I realise - ‘busyness’ is my procrastination

 

Procrastination is not just the cup of tea, the phone call or the email I squeeze in

It is the diary filled with commitments to friends, family and clients

Commitments that leave only a very small piece of the Pie for my creative self

Unless I get a handle on my busyness I am never going to recover my inner artist

 

And what do I want to do with a larger piece of creative Pie?

 

Through my morning pages I have worked out that, while satisfied and excited daily about my work as a Craniosacral Therapist, the creativity I am still longing for is Acting

And that I also want to write

And paint

 

Nicole Kidman recently said in an interview that she lives in her imagination – that’s me! - I thought. I have plays, scenes and characters running around in my head just like Beatrix Potter had bunnies

 

And so - with renewed commitment - I keep writing my morning pages and keep intending - I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write.

And I slowly being to understand it has to begin now.

Not next week when I am less busy

But right now

So I start to use my morning pages more creatively.

To write about stories I could develop, ideas on how a play might look

 

And then on Tuesday something really amazing happened

I was writing my mantra (I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write) and mid flow I thought - hang on I’m going to call a director I know and find out the name of the casting director who offered me a part two years ago on Casualty, which I had to turn down due to a clash with my craniosacral training

 

It was very important I did this right then

 

(I do this a lot - interrupt my morning pages with other very important busy things to do – occasionally to the extent I don’t make it back to them at all)

 

And just as I am leaving a message for my director friend, I get an email from the BBC

An availability check

Now I don’t have an Agent any more and I thought I’d given up Acting

But the BBC would like me to go in and read for an episode of a TV show

 

Blow me down with a feather!

I was shocked through to my core to be honest

More than a little shaky actually

I wanted to see this as a coincidence but

Julia

had just warned me I’d feel that.

Talk about having your prayers answered

 

 

Week four

 

I have a confession to make

I am a huge procrastinator

I will put everything and everyone else’s needs before my own to stop me having to be the creative being that I am

I often watch wonderful films or read great books hoping that through osmosis I will suddenly produce a play or an Oscar winning performance

But this is not how things are created

I have to be creative

Me myself

What stops me?

Fear

Fear of failure

Somewhere deep inside I ask myself ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who am I not to be?

 

And so I am finding the discipline, attention and space to be an artist

And I have seen that - when I do - synchronicity ignites

 

And I am grateful to you Suzy

Thank you

Comments

[Ann]

Mika, thank you so much. Diary of a blogger or is it diary of a procrastinator. I've also been procastinating, using all sorts of excuses. Reading your blog made me realise how many times I've said I'm procastinating in my morning pages - hello?! And procrastination is such a hard word to spell. Maybe I should just get on with it and I wouldn't have to write it down so often. I like the 'mantra' as an addition to the affirmations and if it helps to produce such synchronicity then I think I'll just head off now to write some mantras. After all, I don't know if I should have actually read your blog this week; is it 'reading'. Not being allowed to hunker down with a book every night has ensured that I'm getting on with some tasks that I've been putting off for months, so that's a result. Only thing is, is it like a diet. When I finish the 12 week program and everyone else out there goes back to living their lives, will I simply stop writing the morning pages and lose the benefits they bring.

[sophie]

Oh Mika this strikes such a chord. I too think everyone will look at my "creativity" my "work" and say "Who do you think you are to assume you are brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous"

I'm learning to ignore it.

Still no move on the 270 words but boy am I proud of those 270 words. The rest will come, I know it now.

I AM synchronicity:
- a friend has offered me a stress-free part time job so I can stop worrying about money but still have loads of time for my Pie (and the novel)
- when I mentioned to a friend (cello teacher) that I really want to start playing again, but think I need to get a really good instrument on loan....one of her students is going on VSO next year and is looking to loan her cello
- the same week as the job offer I got a request for tutoring - ready cash and easy!
- just as I was thinking I'd like to go to a beer festival (oh yes) a friend mentioned last night a mate playing in a band at a beer festival soon - we should all go

the list goes on....amazing! Keep going Mika, looking forward to seeing you on my TV screen soon x

[Caite]

Oh dear....I think I am "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous"....does this mean I'm selfish, self absorbed and not nice to know? I'm rubbish at the morning pages I am not a writer it feels like being back to school and I only manage 4/7 days.....I really dislike it. Suzy said I was resisting......

[Victoria Trott]

I'm loving reading about your experiences of synchronicity - I just wish that I was experiencing similar things! I'm really enjoying the morning pages and finding them insightful, rediscovering a love of music and many other things that I've buried for so long. I'm also finding the artist's date inspirational and I hope that these are things I will continue to do once the book has ended.