Connection

When I don’t live in the present, it feels like I constantly am waiting for the good stuff to begin. When I am constantly trying to transform myself or wait until the moment that I can transform some part of my life, I am telling myself that NOW is not enough, not good enough, that I need to do a/b/c for me to truly enjoy myself. So I miss what is going on in the present moment.

Whereas if you simply accept your reality, maybe not even accept it but really EMBRACE it, then at least you’re not missing the main show. All this amazing stuff going on in my life right now but I am missing it because I’m always focussed on improving the future.

I know why I do it. It feels so much easier to live in your imagination and gilded future than deal with the day to day ups and downs. Contentment is accepting where you are right now, feeling your feelings, not analysing them or trying to escape.

I suppose my fear is that if I accept things the way things are, then they will not change and I will be stuck in a present reality feeling fat, blue, confused or whatever. But what I am discovering is that life is transforming mainly because I am accepting my feelings and being in the present moment.

By accepting I felt blue at the dinosaur museum, not trying to jolly myself along, I felt relief. And I am no longer judging how I feel. Or trying to be with anything other than ‘what is’ right now.

I’m also ‘connecting’ more. When I was always living in the future, I was like one of those annoying people at parties who speak to you but have one eye fixed over your shoulder to see if there is anyone more interesting behind you. They never truly connect with you.

When we don’t connect with the present, we’re not really there in mind, body and spirit and life feels superficial, hollow. We can feel empty, hungry for more, more, more.

I need to spend more time connecting with ‘what is’ right now.  

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[Beki]

Have you ever seen the Oh God films? The little girl asks God why he allows bad things in the world and he answers because if there wasn't bad things we wouldn't recognise good ones.