Week 10 – Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
"This week I realise that all my creative blocking is keeping me from my flow and only served to keep me from the very things I crave - change, freedom and (dare I say it) success.
The Artist’s Way has poked me in the ribs, knocked me on the head and shouted at me that
the actions I have been taking to ‘protect myself’ have only been shielding my fragile ego, keeping my creative self very much at bay. What kind of protection is that? Last week’s chapter resonated with me more than any other so far. How relieved I was to discover that in fact, I am not a lazy good for nothing who prefers to chat on Facebook or Twitter all day, but that I am AFRAID.
How comforting to know that I am not alone in this too. I diligently managed my Morning Pages for the first 3 weeks but had to stop when I realised that I was obsessing and wittering on about the same subject, a long standing relationship ‘problem’ that I just wasn’t resolving. I was boring myself silly and not putting anything creatively motivated down on paper. ‘What a waste of time,’ I thought.
However, a couple of weeks and no MPs later it dawned on me, why wasn’t doing anything about the problem? I was living with it, feeding it even and doing nothing to protect myself against its harmful effects on me, both as a person and as a creative being. So then came what Oprah Winfrey calls her ‘light bulb moment’. It was serving me to keep this problem going, I was revelling in allowing it to hold me back...
I ended the relationship. It was and is still painful, but how much lighter I feel, how much extra time I have, how relieved my friends are that I don’t constantly whine about it anymore! BREAKTHROUGH.
‘Saying no can be the ultimate self-care’ Claudia Black is quoted in Week 10 . I have said no to this relationship and things will get better. I also decided to drawn a line in the sand with a neighbour who has quite frankly ridden rough shod over many people in my street for the past few years. It scared the hell out of me when I did it, but my stance miraculously worked and now instead of death ray stares over the fence, we are actually waving at each other! BREAKTHROUGH.
In my work I have become less worried about what my clients and associates think about my creative ideas and what I have to say, if others can’t accept my ‘flow’ it is not a reflection on me personally, it is about their attitudes and beliefs and I don’t need to take responsibility for that. Strangely with that attitude in mind, I have found that those I come into contact with have been incredibly receptive and astoundingly supportive. BREAKTHROUGH
In stopping the behaviour that I thought was protecting me I have actually liberated myself and others. I have discovered a new way to protect myself by always trying to be brave. I am a creative being and it is that I will endeavour to nurture.
Thank you Julia Cameron and thanks Suzy for the the tip off!
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