If only...give it up.

I'm about to fly up to Newcastle to see my brother and sister-in-law and my 11 year old nephew. It's his birthday. I remember his very first birthday and blowing the candles off his cake and now he's 11??? How is that possible? I've blinked and 11 years have gone.

When he was born I was in my twenties (just!) and so much has happened to us all in that span of time.

And how I've wished away my time, wasted time, loved my time, hated my time on this planet. And that feels all the more poignant as my sister in law battles breast cancer for the 2nd time. She's 37. 

How I have taken life for granted. How I have huffed and puffed and stamped my foot because things are not to my liking when I perhaps should suck on that air and be grateful for everything that I have and for all the people that I love. For everything, really.

But how quickly I forget. I lost both my parents to cancer - they both died young and I swore to myself that I wouldn't forget to live every second, to love the life I had, to live my life to the hilt, to appreciate my life. 

And year or so passes (a second passes) and I find myself grumbling and huffing and puffing that 'if only' this was happening or 'if only' that was happening.

I loved Marianne Williamson's latest book The Age of Miracles and when I'm grumbling about my lovely life, I hope that I can remember her wisdom. 

" Most people, men and women, have had the experience of ageing, looking at a picture of themselves when they were young and thinking, “I thought that was inadequate?” But when I was younger, I was thinking, “If only I had another job, it would better. If I only lived in another place, it would be better. If only I was in a different relationship, it would be better. So, the real issue is not age. The real issue the ‘if only’ mindset. Give it up. Live in the present. You are who you are, not who you might be one day. Your life is what it is, not what it might be someday.”

And if you're my Big Leaping client Sue Donelly that 'what is' is fabulous.

Sue has just turned 50 and rather than grumble, she set up a website. www.feelfabat50.com

Sue has fully embraced being who she is and she's showing how to do it in style.

Comments

[Maria]

Hi Suzy,

Just checking my e-mails and thought I'd click onto your blog which is now located in my favourites. Not sure if you are still in the north east for your nephew's birthday or if you are now back in the south but I felt compelled to share a story with you about an ex-colleague of mine for you to pass on to Paula (who was in my thoughts on Christmas Eve when she was having treatment). I used to teach for the NHS and had the good fortune to meet a nurse who had breast cancer on 2 occasions. The first time she went through the usual treatment and all it entails. When the cancer returned several years later she decided to have treatment again but to use the techniques she had learned from her yoga practice and also Louise Hay (very similar to the techniques that Dr David Hamilton shared with you recently) and her recovery was helped greatly. Last year (eighteen years after I had met this wonderful woman) I opened my local newspaper to see her walking the great wall of China! I really want Paula to know this. I know you will be a real asset to her with the knowledge who have and it will help her greatly - I just think this story will inspire her too.

Sending love to all of you,

Maria x

Thanks for sharing your client's web-site addresses - they're great.

[Joanne Lovett]

This springs to mind what i used to say to my clients. "that is over, it was yesterday, now what are you going to do today" i loved what i think was your interview with Martha Beck or was it the works, oh never mind. So, whoever, it was said "the past is over". One of best friends said to me last year when I was mumbling about the state of my life. "My dear if you want something to be part of your life, then go out and get it. Consciously act. She went on to tell me about her husband who at 40 years old and after travelling alot and working in humanitarian aid and being qualified in this area came back to the UK from Africa and couldn't find the exact work he wanted due to his qualification not being exactly in the area they wanted. He and herself spoke about his next steps and he decide to go back and do another masters. However, his family said you are going back to uni at the age of 40 to get even more knowledge, what a waste. Now my friend never gives up easily. She comes from Serolini (excuse the spelling)and against all the odds she is educated. He did go back to UNI and it was damn hard work but, now he has the job he dreamed of. So, she went on to say, do not regret what didn't happen as life is a whole so, you can always do it somewhere in your life, that way you'll not regret it. Unless you don't begin" Paula a dear friend died in 2007 at age 42 and it made me think how precious time is.

I then and now realise that my friends are my greatest support. Especially the ones who inspire me.

Thank you as usual for reminding me Suzy of how great my life really is and for allowing me to share my mumblings.

Joanne (Manchester)