The Big Peace

Go on, enjoy yourself even more!

Big Peace December Day 13

Yesterday's Big Peace task was to enjoy yourself for an hour. Why?

Studies show that we are most at peace when we are doing what we
most like to do.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist from the University of
Chicago, studied thousands of people for more than 30 years to
discover what makes OUR LIVES meaningful and satisfying.

From his research he wrote a book called Flow (Rider, £12.99) -
which he describes as a narrowing of attention, a sense of being
absorbed, and a feeling of transcendence. Any activity can lead to
flow, playing a game, listening to music, but it must be an activity
that we love.

One of my theories is that we cannot find our 'missing peace'
because we are completely out of the flow in our own lives. We don't
do anything that we love any more. Instead, we spend our lives
pleasing others.

We're putting our lives on hold because we're tap dancing to
someone else's tune or being so busy with our lists of shoulds that
all we can do is sink down at the end of the day, exhausted
and brittle. (or is that just me?!)

Today indulge yourself for another hour -

revisit the list of 10 things you most like to do

and choose another activity that you want to do

versus the huge list of things that you think you

should.

Go on, enjoy yourself

Big Peace Day 13

Another late posting today.....my son has been off school as he was up last night with a raging temperature, sickness and woke up with my baggy eyes of last week. Poor little soul. So I've been on nurse duty today so not at my desk.

I need some TLC now! so here's a lovely exercise for Friday after all the work we've been doing over the past couple of weeks:

Rip up your to-do list of shoulds/oughts and ask yourself -  "if I wasn't people pleasing/had a list of must do/ought tos what would I do with my weekend?"

Now be specific - write a list of 10 things you would love to do
with a spare hour over the next 72 hours?

It doesn't have to be worthy or useful - it could be watching an episode of 24 or simply having a bath with a glass of wine.

Now choose one on your list and do it. I'll explain more of the
theory tomorrow.

I'm off for a long, hot bath and yes, a bit of hot slipper wearing. Gawd, it's all party, party, party in my house. Happy Friday.

From Carrie Bradshaw to Norah Battie

Big Peace December Day 12

My best friend read my blog last night and laughed. She says that I used to think the meaning of life lay in glamorous Jimmy Choo shoes and now I think the answer lies in a pair of purple slippers. "You have totally transformed yourself," she laughed. Alas, from Carrie Bradshaw to Norah Battie.

Apologies for this late posting today. I've been out all day on exciting meetings. Just created a new one day workshop called .....wait for it ......The Big Eat....! Forget dieting in January, we're creating a new approach to food - life nourishment! Put 30th January in your diary. Will post details in the next couple of days once I type up the details!

So today I have been inspired. When I am inspired I feel like EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Nothing gets me more into my Big Peace place quicker than inspiration.

So after all our hard work over the last few days....just a couple of simple questions to answer tonight.

When were you last truly inspired and why?

If you were to inspire yourself on a daily basis - what would have to change? What would you have to do differently?

I don't know about you but living life from my Big Peace place (where I feel that I'm just in the right place, that life is unfolding just as it should, that I don't know what will happen but know that when it does, I'll learn and grow....and basically I'm just enjoying myself) and inspiration for me is a big part of that process. When I'm inspired, I feel like I'm living my Big Leap life - a life well lived, a life lived well - in purple slippers.

Speak tomorrow!

P.S How did you get on with the Byron Katie stuff yesterday. I must admit that I found it quite challenging to let go of one of my 'shoulds'. I'm going to work through the worksheet again today. I couldn't quite find the turnaround that felt completely true for me. How did you get on?

Slippers, the work and the big peace.

Big Peace December Day 10

How are you doing on day 10? Do you feel anything beginning to shift? I know I had you ranting and moaning yesterday (more on that below) but generally are you feeling any more peaceful?

Last night, I felt extremely content with my lovely puppy on my knee, a glass of wine, Ant and Dec on the telly and my new pair of slippers on my feet. Inner peace via slippers? Now there's a revelation!  I was naughty and opened a Christmas present from my in-laws and found these slippers..

They are slippers with lavender-scented wheat in them that you heat up in the microwave. wow, just felt cherished and nourished from the feet up and with Oscar sleeping on my knee, my son fast asleep upstairs, I got that 'all is well with the world' feeling. 

Just thought I'd share.

Right, back to 'the work'.

Yesterday I had you completing what Byron Katie calles her Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet and today we're going use her legendary 4 question technique to turn it around.

I truly believe this is a life changing, mind-blowing, negative belief-destroying process and constantly use the 4 questions in my own life. 

Follow the instructions below.

The Four Questions

Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.

In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":

Is it true?

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without the thought?

Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.

Turn it Around

After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).

Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.

A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.

For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."

Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.

The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.

Examples of Turnarounds

Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:

"He should understand me" turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.

"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.

"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)

"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)

Embracing Reality

After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."

For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?

Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to do The Work.

Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?

In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship.

Teaching a cat to bark

Big Peace December Day 9:

Baggy eyes have gone. I think that visualisation is really working!

Today, we're going to hang out with Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is and named as 'spiritual innovator for the new Millennium' no less. She says that the only time we suffer is when we believe a
thought that argues with 'what is'. Here is the interview I did with her recently if you missed it.

"If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, 'meow'," says Byron Katie.

So instead of trying to teach a cat to bark today - how can you accept that the cat is going to meow?

My barking cat thoughts are usually around the world 'should'. He 'should' do this, they 'should' be more generous, she 'shouldn't' gossip like that, I 'should' be more organised.

The reality is that he/they/she/I do it anyway and I'm the only one suffering because of my demands that it 'should' be different.

So for today, just notice what thoughts create this reaction. If you need help, fill in Byron Katie's worksheet (free and downloadable from www.the work.com)
Katie encourages us to be as petty as we can!

1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about
   them you didn't or still don't like? Fill in the blanks....
   I don't like ...because ...

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?
   I want... to ...

3. What is it they should or shouldn't do, be think or feel?
  (Name) shouldn't ...

4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give
   you or do in order for you to be happy? I need (name) to ....

5. What do you think of them? Make a list. (Name) is ...

6. What is it you don't ever want to experience with that
   person thing or situation again? I don't ever want to ...with (name)

Tomorrow, we'll be working on deconstructing these shoulds and thoughts.

Suzy x

The Biology of Belief

Big Peace December Day 7

Maybe it wasn't the cats. The cold that I've been attempting to shake off is back with a vengeance this morning. More puffy eyes. So I have left Charlie (and his two friends that have been on a sleepover last night) to trash the house while I lie in bed and read The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipman. (Hay House)

My god! Have you read this book?! Bruce Lipman is a renowned cell biologist who explains in (fairly) simple scientific language how the cells of our body are affected by our thoughts. Lipman describes the precise molecular pathways through which this occurs.

This delights me because although I've always know that our beliefs affect our bodies aka Louise Hay and You can Heal Your LIfe....I just didn't know HOW that worked. The Biology of Belief explains how.

The science is great but ultimately I love Lipman's epilogue and conclusion that it is the power of love and acceptance that will heal you and the world. He urges: "Joining communities of like-minded people who are working towards advancing human civilisation by realizing that Survival of The Most Loving is the only ethic that will ensure not only a healthy personal life but also a healthy planet."

At the end, Lipman recommends something called Pscyhe-K (www.psyche-K.com) , which his friend and colleague psychotherapist Rob Williams has created - a process which promises to help you reprogramme your subsconcious mind. I've never heard of this process - has anyone else? Will research and get back to you and will see if I can get an interview with Dr Bruce and Rob Williams.

IN the meantime, I've been on their website and thought it might be brilliant to experiment with the exercise they give us on identifying beliefs. Martha Beck - who I went to see this year - also worked with this technique so I absolutely know (believe!) it works on accessing and realising our subsconscious beliefs.

Below is copy and exercise from Rob Williams' website Psyche-K. You will need a partner to work through this exercise. Click through to the video and let me know how you get on and I'll see if I can get on to Rob Williams/Bruce Lipman in the next few days and get some exercises to do once we have identified our beliefs.

"Your self-esteem profoundly influences how others view you. If your self-esteem is high, other people will tend to see you that way also. However, if your self-esteem is low, others will respond accordingly with a lack of confidence and trust in you. Essentially, your beliefs (especially the subconscious ones) are teaching the world how to treat you. The way people treat you is a reflection of those subconscious beliefs. Consequently, if you want to change the way others behave toward you, you need to change the self-sabotaging beliefs that are causing the undesirable treatment. As the saying goes, “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t expect others to.”

Another aspect of self-esteem is the concept of unworthiness. Some world religions teach us that we are fundamentally unworthy. Others teach that life is endless suffering and to simply embrace it as an inevitable consequence of being in the world. Perhaps the nuances of these beliefs are understood by theologians in a way that doesn’t lead to the conclusion that “life’s a bitch and then you die,” but to the average person that conclusion is hard to escape. More often than not it leads to a deep sense of hopelessness and helplessness. And to add insult to injury, you are not worthy of having it be different! If you want to be free of the limitations of unworthiness in your life, be sure that your subconscious beliefs support that goal.

Click here to discover if your subconscious mind supports these self-esteem enhancing beliefs.

Sample Beliefs:

1. I deeply appreciate and accept myself.

2. I love myself unconditionally.

3. I deserve the very best life has to offer.

4. I am confident and self-assured.

5. I am proud of my results and comfortable with my successes and my failures.

6. I am a good person.

7. I do my best and my best is good enough

   .

IN the meantime, I will be visualising and working on the beliefs that I can be free of this cold in the next couple of days! I'll let you know how I get on.

Baggy eyes and a power ranger detox

Day 6: Big Peace December

I woke up with baggy eyes this morning. Unfortunately, not from weeping with joy all night. I picked my son Charlie up last night from somone who has cats. I'm definitely a dog person, not a cat person. My eyes swell up like golfballs when I spend time with cats.

So I'm lying there this morning looking a bit deformed- my son screamed when he saw me - that cheered me up no end - and I was thinking about what the big peace task of today could be.

After watching a bit of Indiana Jones through slitted eyes in bed with Charlie, I started to notice the clutter around my bedroom - a wobbly pile of self help books, magazines, my son's power rangers and last night's uneaten mince pie.

I know the Big Peace is all about changing our thoughts but you know what, changing my sleeping environment may help too?

So I have followed this exercise (see below) from my hero Martha Beck (author of Steering by Starlight and all round amazing, funny and inspirational guru) and taken all my self-help books back to the bookshelves, thrown out my Hello! magazines (my guilty pleasure) - my  bedside table is the only time you'll see Jordan hanging out with Deepak Chopra (er, probably...)

I've hoovered behind the bed, I've got a candle, some flowers in a vase that a lovely client gave to me on Thursday and feel at peace with the world. And without Power Rangers digging me in the bum all night, I'll probably sleep better soon.

So today's task is a physical one. This is taken from the glorious Steering By Starlight by Martha Beck.

Choose an area of your house that you like the least. Now think of some other space that you adore – maybe a room you’ve seen with your own eyes or a house you saw in a film or a place in nature. (For me, this is that amazing beach house in the Hamptons in As Good at Find with Jack Nicolson and Diane Keaton) a pictoral image that reminds you of this place and put it somewhere you can see it. Now think of three adjectives that describe the beautiful place. Is it serene, gorgeous, creative? Now go and find some physical object you can bring to your home – be it paint colour, piece of fabric, pillow or photograph that can be described by at least one of the adjectives and put it in the spot in your home that you dislike. Now throw something away from that spot that is less beautiful or inspiring. Repeat the steps above until you love the space you once hated.

Your Big Peace mantra

Big Peace December Day 5

Yesterday we were experimenting in focussing differently. How easy was
it to adopt a different belief system? Was it fun? Were you
resistant?

Our beliefs about life and ourselves form and then come true for us
when we find evidence to support them. By 'acting as if', we start
creating evidence to prove this new belief about ourselves is right.

What we focus on expands. If you believe that you're not good enough,
we constantly look for evidence to prove ourselves right.

Ask yourself:

What is the belief system that will bring you contentment?

What is the belief system that will soothe your soul?

What would be the soothing antidote to all those negative and nasty beliefs about yourself and life? E.g. I don't have to be giving/doing/proving
myself to be worthwhile, I can just be me.

What could be your Big Peace belief that you could adopt as your
personal mantra?

Write it down and post it where you can see it for
the rest of December.

What you focus on expands

You're not perfect but you're lovely

Day 4 Big Peace December

Yesterday we were exploring what you believe about yourself and life.

Today, I'm asking you to explore a new belief system - just for one
day.

Choose one of the following beliefs/thoughts and try it on for size
(or make one up, if you're feeling inspired) and act as if it were
true for the next 24 hours.

Make it your minute by minute/hourly mantra.

Ask yourself if you really believed this - how would you act
differently, talk differently, walk differently, think differently? 

Ok...choose one of the below and play with a new reality for 24 hours:

1.    I'm great.
2.    I'm a very attractive human being.
3.    I'm not perfect but I'm lovely.
4.    This too shall pass.
5.    This present is exactly as it's supposed to be.
6.    I'm Ok just the way I am.
7.    I'm sexy.
8.    I'm a creative genius.
9.    I embrace change.
10.    My potential is limitless.

Enjoy yourself with this exercise.

Day 3: Big Peace December

As we talked about in day 1, our mind cannot tell the difference between real or imagined. Our mind (and our bodies) believe the stories we tell ourselves. But not sure about you, but I'm not always aware of the stories or negative beliefs that cause the stress in my life. At the Big Peace retreat last weekend, I was shocked to discover a 'no one cares about me' belief hanging around in my psyche. It was subtle but it was there.

When we have a belief, our mind is constantly searching for evidence to prove that this is true. It's the old adage that what you focus on expands. If you buy a red car, all you see is red cars. The conscious mind is on search mode, looking for evidence to prove your belief to be correct.

So what do you believe about yourself and life? Do you believe that life is wonderful, that you will always be okay, that you are priceless, that you deserve only the best and that life is easy? Do you believe that you will always be supported, land on your feet, that life is fun, that you'll always attract the best in life and life is one big party?

Or do you believe that life is hard, money is the root of all evil, all men are bastards, all women are mad, life is a struggle, men don't commit, life is a rollercoaster, all men leave, all women cheat and that you have to be bad to be rich? Do you believe you'll never make it because you're not good enough, in fact you're actually pretty worthless, oh, and you're stupid too?

What is your reality? What do you believe to be true about yourself and life? Because whatever you believe, you're right. You're right because you believe it to be true.

Quantum scientists and physicists are teaching us that our world is what we perceive it to be. Reality is simply raw, unformed data waiting to be interpreted by you, the perceiver. And scientists like Dr David Hamilton on day 1 are showing us that by changing the way we think - we can actually change our reality.

So the exercise for today is this. Figure out what you believe. Awareness is the first step, we'll talk about creating new beliefs in the coming days.

Often it's hard to identify what we believe because we've been living in that world for a long time.

Try these questions and let's see if we can winkle out an idea of what you really believe about yourself and life? Just quickly put pen to paper - don't think too hard and speed write your answers.

- What decision did you have to make to survive and thrive in your
family?

- What happens to people like you?

- What will people say about you when you are dead?

- What negative feeling do you feel most often?

- When you get this feeling, what do you believe about yourself?

- When you get this feeling, what do you believe about life?

- What do you believe about yourself to have a career like yours?

- What would you have to believe about yourself to have a
relationship history like yours?

- What would you have to believe about yourself to have a circle of
friends like yours?

- What would you have to believe about yourself, or life, for things
to be exactly as they are right now?

Put these questions and answers away for now and we'll come back to
them soon.