Big Peace December warm-up: Strive to be perfect

Today, just wanted to flag up a way of NOT finding your big peace and that's by striving to be perfect and have the script running in your head that you've got to get this (and everything right) or you will never be approved of/loved/included or respected.

Perfectionism is one of the most self-defeating strategies that you could ever adopt. It is quite simply a one-way ticket to unhappiness, stress, negativity and depression.

Perfectionism is a glorious way of setting yourself up to fail in spectacular style. It is a way to constantly affirm to yourself that 'you're no good'/not up to the mark/are failing every single day of your life.

Because generally, the perfectionist has set themselves an impossible task. Their standards are so high that they never can relax and give themselves a pat on the back. There is always, always something better they could have done. The perfectionist will focus on that tiny detail that wasn't quite right rather on the massive, amazing event/meal/report that they have just completed. 

Perfectionism is a 'survival mechanism' we learn in childhood. You learn from an early age that to be loved and approved of - to survive in the world - you must be perfect. As a child, you built a belief system that you're not good enough/clever enough/enough just as you are. Scratch any Perfectionist, and you'll usually find a little five-year-old who has decided that to be loved they must attain perfection. Perfectionism is simply a way of constantly trying to prove to the world that you are good enough. It is exhausting and self-defeating because generally no matter how hard you try you will always find yourself lacking.

The antidote? A big leap in thinking. It is letting go of the ideal of constant self-improvement and embracing the idea of self-acceptance. I call it acceptance of the 'what is'.

Let's face it, reality could probably always be better - we could be thinner, more beautiful, have more time, less stress, have a holiday planned to the Caribbean rather than Cardiff. If we thought about it hard enough, we probably could always 'do better, try harder, buy a bigger and better life.' But what if you could simply accept yourself exactly for who you are, how you're doing and what you've got right now.

Let's ponder that thought for today.....

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Comments

[Maria]

Really enjoyed what you had to say about the perfectionist personality. I am a perfectionist in recovery :=) I now live a much saner life thanks to listening to the wisdom of Byron Katie and Marianne Williamson (both of whom I enjoyed listening to your interviews with) over the past few years I'm finally seeing the light and freeing myself from the destruction that trying to be perfect brings.
Really enjoy what you have to say Suzy and looking forward to your December daily wisdom.

Best wishes,
Maria

[Sandra]

I once was a perfectionist but that stopped when I started moving into jobs where I never had time to do things perfectly. Now I don't have that expectation but it's not always a good thing. I don't want to be known as Ms Mediocre or worse! I used to have pride in my work but now I barely have time to think about the decisions I am making.

[Suzy Greaves]

There's nothing wrong with having pride in your work but it sounds like you're torturing yourself with visions of mediocre....
how can you change your thinking about it?
What would feel like a soothing way to think about your current situation? E.g. In challenging situations, I always strive to do my best??? or My best is good enough.
and also maybe look at boundaries when you know that it won't be good enough. To be able to turn your standards into a fantastic strength that people look to you for....."If we try to do this project in x amount of time, this will compromise the quality - how can we not compromise quality but still get this job done?"
Be known for your leadership, creativity and good enough standards....??