Meditation or coffee? Just give me a coffee!

So it's interesting to observe my little goings-on. Yesterday I vowed to meditate every day. I know it makes me feel more peaceful.
15 minutes ago, I had a choice, make myself a cup of coffee or meditate....

There is now an empty cup of coffee on my desk and I'm not feeling remotely peaceful (but slightly revved up). I'm feeling bad that I haven't meditated, bad for having another coffee (my third of the day and it's only 11.30?)

What I'm pondering right now is how can we create peaceful habits without it becoming a 'should'/without feeling wrong for having the coffee?

We know what we 'should' do to make us thinner/healthier/more peaceful so why don't we do it?

It's that short-term pleasure versus long-term gain battle. It's about that moment of choice in the moment.

And I must admit, it's not my best moment. I've always been a bit of f**k it girl (oh, f**t it, I'll just have the one)
It took me about 5 years to give up smoking because I was always saying 'f**t it', I'll just have one more fag. (and even now after 10 years or so of not smoking, if I have a drink...I still want a fag....!)

I don't want my life to be about denial. My big peace feels warm and comfortable and has coffee in it.

What do I want? To feel good. Warm coffee with a sugar in it makes me feel good. But you know, that's how I used to feel about cigarettes.

Maybe there is something about this discipline thing in the short-term (or even long-term). Like Matthieu Ricard, the Buddhist monk in his book Happiness has been saying......we need to work at inner peace - it's something that doesn't just happen, we do need to train the mind.

I think I do have that instant gratification thing going on. 30 days to inner peace? Great, let's get it/achieve it/do it then.....tick that box, next?! I know this but I need to be reminded......the big peace.... it's not a destination....it's a process....a lifelong process...

And maybe I need to factor in some discipline. Ok, let's try again.

I'm going to meditate now, meet you back here in 15 minutes.

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Comments

[Tim]

Isn't it amazing how *stressful* meditation can be when we think we *should* do it. What would happen if we meditated with no goal? Usually we're thinking something like "If I meditate for long enough it will get me .....".

In the end, I was so p*ssed off with my "lack of discipline" that I too thought "f*ck it!" as far as meditation was concerned.

Fortunately, it was about that time that I was introduced to the meditations I told you about in my email.:)

Love,
Tim