The Big Peace

The Big Peace comes back from holiday

So I was wrong. Inner peace doesn't lie within....it's all about lying on a beach and a yoga mat, plenty of wine, plenty of childcare and the odd spin on a boat.
Just come back from Club Galini on Greek Island Leftkas and  I really  did feel incredibly  peaceful (with an odd hungover moment).
Was it the wine? Was it the yoga? For me, it's leaving behind my list of 'shoulds'. Working from home always feels ideal - with that dream commute from bed to office on on our top floor of the house. However, when you work from home, there is always the opportunity to work. I love my work but it's still work.
Going away without laptap, mobile phone and any access to email gave me a complete break. I had whole afternoons to moodle around, pick pebbles from the beach, drink a glass of wine or two. I can see why there are so many 'pack up and live in the sun' tv programmes jamming our airwaves. However, despite the blue sea, gorgeous people and outdoor lifestyle - I don't want to pack up and live in Greece.
What I need to do is try and tempt my holiday self to come and live in my house.
My holiday self is relaxed, doesn't feel the need to do/do/do, can wander, snooze, pebble collect and have a crafty glass of wine in the afternoon.
I can feel my inner pessimist crossing his arms and snorting as I write. "Er, have you seen what you've got to do this summer?" he rants. "Get back to that desk."
With my inner pessimist running my home and office, it's always difficult to sneak a new girl in. And my holiday self definitely won't want to stay with the old inner pessimist in charge.
If I let my holiday self run my company and my life this summer- what would happen? My fear is that nothing would happen.
The question is - do I dare to find out?

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The Big Peace Goes On Holiday

So.........a week in Greece for a yoga and sailing holiday. This is a first for me. I've never really done an activity holiday.

You'd think that there is enormous potential for finding inner peace while doing my yoga stretching on a white beach and letting my hair get blown back on a small boat that goes fast (oooo, you see I'm using technical terms already).

I'll be interested to  see what happens. It's definitely one of my 'I'll be happy when.....' fantasies! So when you get to sample the reality.....what will happen?

I have repeatedly discovered that whenever I go on holiday, I go too. I can't seem to get away from me - with all my neuroses and anxieties. Stalked by my own inner pessimist. It's that thing again.....there is no place that I can reach that will make me feel more peaceful. It's not a destination.

What is it then? A transformation? Even that sounds too hard work. It's more an acceptance of the now. In a soothing way.

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Imperial war museum

I took my son to the Imperial war museum in London on Sunday. It was quite an emotional afternoon. My son, who is 4, just loved the tanks and huge planes hanging from the roof but for me, I found it quite disturbing. There was a replica of the atom bomb from the 2nd World war, there was a whole exhibition on childhood and war -with gravestones of babies, which made  me  sob.

The 3rd floor is dedicated to the Holocaust. This exhibition is devastating (and necessary)  - to always remind us what can happen when we allow our minds to be poisoned by hatred and fear, of what happens when we are war with ourselves - and the dark side wins.

I believe that we all have a dark side - fear/anger/pain that has nowhere to go but to attack and destroy. To build a Big Peace for ourselves - how can we acknowlege this dark side and bring it into the light? Hitler was striving to create the perfect 'arien' race - where anything other than what he saw as 'perfect' had be destroyed. A world of peace is one of diversity, acceptance of all humanity versus the perfect few.

After my visit, I felt overwhelmed with 'what can little me do against such dark forces?' I came to the conclusion that right now, I can start with working on myself - on my own inner wars, my own dark side - stop denying my anger, grief, sadness, bitchiness et al. And working on transforming that darker energy into something more positive or at least, be more open so I can begin to heal whatever is rattling my cage.

And certainly stop striving to be perfect. But rather celebrate my imperfections and all that makes me human.

Let's start a new campaign - or create a new 'week' -  how does 'celebrate your imperfections' week?
Post your ideas in the comments books. What is imperfect about you and how does that make you into a better person?

Fast or slow?

I am noticing that I am fast. Not in that raised eyebrow kind of way. More's the pity. But I do everything at speed. I consume food, liquids, books at a quite a pace. "Next! What's new? What's for pudding?" I've been reading a book called In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore - How a worldwide movement is challenging The Cult of Speed. It's a very seductive philosophy this slowing down thing. The book explores a new slower pace in many different areas from food to sex.

Is slowing down the route to peace? Does peace live a 'slow' world or in a fast one? Discuss.

Maybe it's both. Maybe the route to peace is being able to change gear from first to fifth and accelerate and brake when needed. It's embracing both slow and fast.

I think I'm probably very good at the extremes - very slow (comatose in bed  - hurrah!) or very fast (juggling many projects/childcare/life while eating my breakfast and watching a film) I've always been a very all or nothing person.

So is the route to peace - accepting myself exactly as that and celebrating that and finding a way to make all or nothing work for me? Or should I be practicising driving in 2nd and 3rd gear?

What do you think?

It's My Birthday!

As 3 weeks has gone by without blogging - maybe the answer - is yes! I am lazy. But I have been too busy enjoying myself to blog.

It's my birthday and I've been going to yoga days, going out to dinner with my girlfriends, off to Paris for the weekend, going to the Chelsea Physic Garden for a tour.

Basically getting away from work, childcare, stressing with the husband and how do I feel? FANTASTIC! If vaguely guilty.....can I really be this self-indulgent? Yes, say the experts.

The route to inner peace is to follow your 'flow' so says Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist from the University of Chicago. He studied thousands of people for more than 30 years to discover what makes OUR LIVES meaningful and satisfying.

From his research he wrote a book called Flow – which is a narrowing of attention, a sense of being absorbed, and a feeling of transcendence. Any activity can lead to flow, playing a game, listening to music, whatever floats your boat.

What floats yours and what can you do to get more 'flow' in your life?