The Big Peace

A Big Leap into the Big Peace

 My coaching business is called Big Leap and when I started on my Big Peace journey, I kinda thought that the two ideas were incompatible. Making big leaps can make you feel anxious, scared rather than peaceful.

But in the last month - I've been quiet on the blog because I've been off making all sorts of big leaps in my life -
I've realised that in fact a big leap is actually the way into the big peace. (No, this isn't a plug for my business, honest.)

What I'm realising is that when we are brave, when we have courage, when we 'do the thing we think we cannot do' - we leap right into The Big Peace. When we live the life we know is right for us or take the path that is right  for us, yes, it feels scary but ultimately it feels peaceful. It makes me feel fulfilled, on course, on the right path.

When we procrastinate, when we pretend 'we don't know' and hang around in the shallows of making do or tolerating what we don't want, THAT is what can create most anxiety. That low level anxiety, which causes us to numb ourselves with drink or crap telly and makes us feel 'itchy for more', or has her reaching for the better handbag or better house or car. But when you take the leap into making the right decisions (for you) versus the ones that everyone says you should, life opens up and you feel full again. So we don't constantly have to reach for the other stuff to make us happy. Or you feel less grasping anyway.

What confused me was my inner pessimist who is always there screaming at me from the corner of my psyche. I thought that in my 'big peace world' the inner pessimist would be silenced, that I would hear bird song and piped music.

But no, by being brave, the inner pessimist is as loud as ever. Granted, if you tune into his mantra of 'you're not good enough/people will judge you and point/you'll end up a bag lady' rant, then it doesn't feel that peaceful. But if you can smile and wave and do it anyway, it feels like you can leap, embrace the fear and do it anyway. (Susan Jeffers was right)

I've made a big leap this month (can't tell you what yet but I'm sure I will) and although my inner pessimist is screaming, I've never felt so peaceful, on track, on the right path.

What would you do next if you were brave?

When we are brave

Quitting things and flakiness

One of my lovely clients designer Cate from Marmalade Moon  has just sent me this fantastic link to this wonderful blog The Growing Life. You have to read this post on 'quitting things and flakiness' -The Growing Life  I felt my shoulders suddenly relax three inches. The idea of getting used to my messy home and quitting all the things I don't want to do? Bliss. I'm going to experiment with this idea this week.

What could I let go of from my 'should' list?
Answering all my emails straight away (or indeed ever.)
Cleaning the house (ever!)

I think I might start to enjoy this process.....

Let me know how you get on.

My 4th Decade begins

Firstly, thanks for all your birthday wishes.

I turned 40 on the 4th May 2008 (may the fourth be with you) and all I can say, is that I have an inkling that I'm really going to enjoy it.

I had a spectacular weekend. My girlfriends were fabulous and gave me a 'make-over' and then organised dinner with my closest friends in London. I got home and my husband sang me the Michael Buble song 'You're my everything', then took me out on a 100 miles an hour bike ride (now that got rid of the hangover) before whisking me off to dinner.

Couldn't understand why he woke me at 4am though and told me to get my wellies on.

Two hours later I was watching the dawn come up in a hot air balloon in one of the most magical and (strangely enough!) most peaceful rides of my life. The hot air baloonist kept saying 'it's all about the journey, not the destination'. At 8am, we landed in a field and had champagne.

   

What a way to start the decade! I have felt very loved and special. 

We're not alone!

I've just written the article on 'more/better/more' for the Sunday Times Style. http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article3740032.ece

And I do get incredibly scared just before it's published. I think that people will sneer and say - 'oh, you're so rubbish with that 'more/better/more' thing. You're so screwed-up.' But in the space of 24 hours over 700 people have signed up to our Big Peace programme and have said instead: 'that's exactly how I feel'.

We're human! And like other fellow humans we have that 'itch' for more. But as I said in my last post. I have a inkling that we're not going to 'get over it' or somehow become suddenly enlightened. The human experience (and the way our brains our wired) means on some level we may always be searching for 'more/better/more', and the sooner we can shrug and say 'ah, that's my more/better/more stuff' rattling our cage, the easier this journey becomes.

But again just because we have the 'itch' for more doesn't mean we have to scratch it.

I'm off for a nap!

More/better/more

I've just written an article for Style magazine (Sunday Times - out April 6th, I think) on the whole 'more/better/more' thing, as in, you know.....being on that treadmill of always wanting more/better/more.

As I worked towards my 40th birthday, the itch was still there. I wanted to write a best-selling detective novel, I wanted an extension on the house, after 15 years of marriage I wanted to have more (and better) conversations with my husband......

Despite my journey for the big peace, the search was still on. More/better/more.....more/better/more.....on and on......

But it has occurred to me, if I'm to accept myself the way I am, maybe I just have to embrace this 'itch' as part of my make-up, maybe as part of being human. It goes back to my initial research which shows that a primeaval instinct in our brain is to blame. Apparently, the happiness scientists have discovered that the 'itch' for more/better/more comes from an ancient part of the brain which ensured survival when we were dressed in animal skins and carried a club. In the 21st Century, it translates into a driving search for posessions and accomplishments - which happiness scientists call it the hedonic treadmill.

But to accept this part of myself, doesn't mean I have to be driven by it. I have been working with the Martha Beck exercise 'the watcher' when I'm triggered by my 'more/better/more' itch and have been experimenting with ligthing up another part of my brain.

I have adapted this from Martha Beck's book The 4 Day Win. (which is primarily about weight loss but have discovered this exercise works for all kind of compulsions.)

The brain that observes itself, changes itself, Beck claims.

Visualise what Beck calls your ‘inner dictator’ (the one that says 'go on prove yourself...achieve more, do more, be more, you're not good enough without that handbag/without writing that book.....) and your ‘wild child’ (the one who rebels or sinks in a heap exhausted and has a tantrum) Think through their motivations until you can understand that perhaps they are only trying to help. Try to feel compassion for both of these little characters and send them lots of love. Then ask yourself – who are you? Beck calls this person ‘the watcher’. When you observe your own thinking, and feel compassion, this lights up the part of your brain that makes you feel peaceful.

Try it. it's a deceptively simple exercise but am finding it useful to notice my 'itches' without too much unsightly scratching. (although it's definitely a process).

That's probably why I liked all 'the big mind' stuff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT9y1YEUjy0 as that was primarily all about observation of our different states/modes.

What do you think?

I'm in love

You'll just have bear with me. I'm in the midst of puppy infatuation.

Oscar is my beautiful little black cocker spaniel puppy. Yes, he's leaving puddles around the house but he makes up for it in totally cuteness.

One thing I've noticed is....that suddenly I'm finding time to have a long lunch hour so I can play and have some fun with him. I feel delighted every time I walk over my threshold to be greeted by this lovely little wagging mass of puppy.

So far, having a dog is making me feel happy, loved-up and less stressed about everything.

What I didn't know was that owning a dog is medically proven to improve your mental health.

Dr. James H.S. Bossart of the University of Pennsylvania, after several years of study, found owning a dog plays an important part in maintaining mental health. You benefit from walking the dog (exercise, fresh air), teaching him tricks (hobby, relaxation), having a constant companion (avoid loneliness), having a scapegoat for your moods (emotional safety valve) and enjoying the feeling of being loved (love and reassurance).

Not that I needed a doctor to tell me that. I'm in love with my new puppy and he loves me! Of all the things that I have tried on finding inner peace - this is definitely the most fun.

No excuses!

I have no excuses. I've been quiet for a while. But that's good isn't it? Maybe I was off meditating on a mountain, doing my yoga stretching, communing with nature????

Nah! Sorry, just been busy. Although I'm busy with such cool stuff....the most exciting being.....
we're getting a puppy! A little black cocker spaniel puppy called Oscar. We pick him on Sunday.

Is it the simple things that make us happy and content? My vision is that i'll be off in the fields every morning with my little companion giving me unconditional love by my side and this will indeed be gateway to everlasting peace (me looking outside of myself for peace - surely not?)

Will keep you posted on how it goes.

In the meantime, here's the interview with Marianne Williamson that I've been promising forever.
This woman is truly my inspiration. When I interviewed her, I felt really, really humbled. Inner peace? She's lived it.  She lives it every day.

And her new book The Age of Miracles is exactly what I needed to read as my big birthday approaches in May.  Here's  what  she has to say:

“Once
you’re past a certain age, you can hardly believe you wasted even one minute of
your youth not enjoying it,” she laughs. “And the last thing you want to do now is steal any more life from
yourself by failing to be deeply in it,” she advised. “This moment is all you
have.”

She
told me to stop searching outside myself for happiness, either in the past or
the future. “You are who you are, not
who you might be one day. Your life is what it is, not what it might be someday. And by focusing on who you are
and what your life is right now, you come to the ironic and almost amusing
realisation that, yes, the fun is in the journey itself."

To hear the interview click below. Here's the link >>>

I'll send more Oscar photos next week.

Suzy x

Marianne Williamson with her pipe and slippers?

Marianne Williamson is in London on Saturday 23rd February giving a workshop on the content of her new book: The Age of Miracles - the new midlife.

I've got a big birthday looming in May (me and Kylie, the same age, who would have thought it?) so can't wait to hear more of Marianne's wisdom. I say 'more of' because I was very lucky and interviewed her last week. What a brilliant woman. You hear her talk and you feel completely inspired and enlightened. But she's human and lovely too. I loved her.

So will be posting the interview in the next couple of days where you can learn:

• Why Marianne thinks hanging out in your metaphorical if not metaphysical pipe and slippers is a good thing.
• What we can do to avoid a mid-life crisis and embrace our new mid-life.
• What Marianne does on a regular basis to find her own inner peace.

for details of workshop, log on to www.hayhouse.co.uk

I'll let you know how I get on.

Make your 8th decade your best decade!

I've just been sent a preview copy of Louise Hay's new movie - You Can Heal Your Life and it's pretty inspirational. In fact,  I think Louise Hay a complete inspiration to everyone who thinks it’s too late to make something of your life.

She overcame teenage pregnancy, an abusive childhood, divorce, cancer and didn’t write her best-selling book You Can Heal Your Life - which has sold over 35 million copies worldwide – until she was 50.

That book is now widely recognised as one of the most important self help books ever published. When she was 60, she founded Hay House Publishers (now worth over $100 million)and now, aged 81 has just released her first film: You Can Heal Your Life - the movie.

Hay has declared that her 8th decade will be her best yet.

And you know what? I believe her.

mind melting soundbites

Love this new blog and soundbites from Tim Rowe.
Let me know what you think.
www.theroadtonowhere.co.uk