Big Peace December Day 10
How are you doing on day 10? Do you feel anything beginning to shift? I know I had you ranting and moaning yesterday (more on that below) but generally are you feeling any more peaceful?
Last night, I felt extremely content with my lovely puppy on my knee, a glass of wine, Ant and Dec on the telly and my new pair of slippers on my feet. Inner peace via slippers? Now there's a revelation! I was naughty and opened a Christmas present from my in-laws and found these slippers..
They are slippers with lavender-scented wheat in them that you heat up in the microwave. wow, just felt cherished and nourished from the feet up and with Oscar sleeping on my knee, my son fast asleep upstairs, I got that 'all is well with the world' feeling.
Just thought I'd share.
Right, back to 'the work'.
Yesterday I had you completing what Byron Katie calles her Judge Your Neighbour Worksheet and today we're going use her legendary 4 question technique to turn it around.
I truly believe this is a life changing, mind-blowing, negative belief-destroying process and constantly use the 4 questions in my own life.
Follow the instructions below.
The Four Questions
Investigate each of your statements from the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness, not about trying to change your thoughts. Ask the questions, then take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. Download the blue sheet for use as a facilitation guide.
In its most basic form, The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. For example, the first thought that you might question on the above Worksheet is "Paul doesn't listen to me." Find someone in your life about whom you have had that thought, and let's do The Work. "[Name] doesn't listen to me":
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine examples of each turnaround.
Turn it
Around
After you've investigated your statement with the four questions, you're ready to turn it around (the concept you are questioning).
Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common.
A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine examples in your life where each turnaround is true.
For example, "Paul doesn't understand me" can be turned around to "Paul does understand me." Another turnaround is "I don't understand Paul." A third is "I don't understand myself."
Be creative with the turnarounds. They are revelations, showing you previously unseen aspects of yourself reflected back through others. Once you've found a turnaround, go inside and let yourself feel it. Find a minimum of three genuine examples where the turnaround is true in your life.
The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me"
turns around to:
- He shouldn't understand me. (This is reality.)
- I should understand him.
- I should understand myself.
"I need him to be kind to
me" turns around to:
- I don't need him to be kind to me.
- I need me to be kind to him. (Can I live it?)
- I need me to be kind to myself.
"He is unloving to me"
turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don't inquire.)
"Paul shouldn't shout at
me" turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes.
Am I listening?)
- I shouldn't shout at Paul.
- I shouldn't shout at me.
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul's shouting? Who's more
merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Embracing Reality
After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (asking if they are as true or truer), turn number 6 around using "I am willing ..." and "I look forward to ..."
For example, "I don't ever
want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I
am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look
forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look
forward to it?
Number 6 is about fully embracing all of mind and
life without fear, and being open to reality. If you experience
an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, you can put your thoughts
on paper and investigate them. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders
that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let
us know that it's time to do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean you must invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only
one person to have a successful relationship.
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