I went to London to see my friends and stayed overnight last week. When I got back, my husband had bought a ginormous motorbike. Mid-life crisis? Whatever! We hadn't discussed it, he'd just gone out and bought it.
I was furious. Not only that he'd gone and spent his savings on something
just for him but metaphorically just what kind of message does it give? Not
exactly room for me and charlie on the bike - is there? On some level, it felt
he was driving away from us.
So how do you feel peaceful when you're so annoyed, you could do things with
exhaust pipes that would be particularly enlightened? How could I possibly
change my thinking about this? Because boy! did I have a massive story going on
in my head about all of this. Motorbike this week? nubile blonde next week?
Insecure, me?
It strikes me how easily I am knocked off my peaceful path. And how I turn
to my usual props to help me feel better. I found myself drinking vast amounts
of wine in the pub with my mother and toddler community who soothed and said
the right things as I slurred and ranted. Nice. Top guru, me you know?!
So today, I was hungover and ashamed as well as well as annoyed. Not a particularly peaceful day. So as I lay on my mind groaning, I kept asking myself - what would I have to think differently to be peaceful?
1. that it was perfectly OK for my husband Jools to do whatever he wants to do with his money and that the story I was making up in my head was all about my insecurities versus what was really going on.
Jools was being a great example, really. He loves his work, saves money so
he can afford exactly what he wants, does his own thing, is never a martyr, is
great at saying 'no' to stuff he doesn't want to do.
What gets in the way of a peaceful existence is often taking on stuff I
might not want to do, playing the matyr, and then getting resentful because I
end up worn out (while jools swans off on his new motorbike) So today, I'm
making a promise to be clear about what I do want, say no to what I don't want
and not to be the martyr.
So observing the process I've just been through.....1. feel intense
emotion.....2. go from judgement to 'what can I learn here?' 3. act/think
differently.
Imagine if I could learn a big lesson from every 'trauma'? or if I could see
them no longer as 'traumas' but as growth spurts?! what would that be like?
