The Big Peace

Mika stops procrastinating and acts....

This is from our lovely guest blogger Mika Simmons (http://www.mikasimmons.com/) I read her entry and promptly burst into tears. I resonated so much (not with the acting) but with everything else. Here's to you, Mika! And to all of us on this journey. WE ARE A BRAVE, WONDERFUL TRIBE AND HERE'S TO MAKING THAT PHONECALL, TAKING THAT BABY STEP, SENDING THAT EMAIL......

Right here, right now.

xxx

From GUESTBLOGGER Mika 25th February 2009.

 

Synchronised confessions of a recovering artist

 

Let’s do the Artist’s Way?

Yes great idea

If I sign up – I might just finish it this time!

 

You need to be writing a Blog - I am told by my Astrologer

 

Want to blog? - Suzy asks the next day

Wow - I think - that’s weird

OK

 

Week 9 – She says

No problem – I smirk. A deep, dark subconscious voice whispering - that gives me loads of time to catch up when I get behind

The chapter title ‘Recovering a sense of Compassion’

Easy - I think - after all, I am a Pisces and a therapist

 

Change of plan - Suzy says - need you for Week 4

I race to my book to check the chapter’s title – ‘Recovering a Sense of Integrity’ - it says

 

I am busted!!

I leap

And we are off ……..

 

 

Week one

 

Is anyone else procrastinating? - Suzy asked

Maybe a little bit - I thought – but no, not really, not me, nope

I’m just really busy

My ‘things to do’ are not procrastinations they are real

Next week will be clearer, for sure

 

 

Week two

 

Surprisingly, things are pretty busy again

But my ‘things’ are definitely not procrastinations – I protest - they are genuinely, incredibly important things that just have to be done or the world will fall apart

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am on board. The morning pages are being done, I am scraping through the exercises, and I do have enough compassion for myself to feel this is good enough

 

 

Week three

 

Hang on

I am still really really busy

And suddenly I realise - ‘busyness’ is my procrastination

 

Procrastination is not just the cup of tea, the phone call or the email I squeeze in

It is the diary filled with commitments to friends, family and clients

Commitments that leave only a very small piece of the Pie for my creative self

Unless I get a handle on my busyness I am never going to recover my inner artist

 

And what do I want to do with a larger piece of creative Pie?

 

Through my morning pages I have worked out that, while satisfied and excited daily about my work as a Craniosacral Therapist, the creativity I am still longing for is Acting

And that I also want to write

And paint

 

Nicole Kidman recently said in an interview that she lives in her imagination – that’s me! - I thought. I have plays, scenes and characters running around in my head just like Beatrix Potter had bunnies

 

And so - with renewed commitment - I keep writing my morning pages and keep intending - I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write.

And I slowly being to understand it has to begin now.

Not next week when I am less busy

But right now

So I start to use my morning pages more creatively.

To write about stories I could develop, ideas on how a play might look

 

And then on Tuesday something really amazing happened

I was writing my mantra (I want to act I want to write I want to act I want to write) and mid flow I thought - hang on I’m going to call a director I know and find out the name of the casting director who offered me a part two years ago on Casualty, which I had to turn down due to a clash with my craniosacral training

 

It was very important I did this right then

 

(I do this a lot - interrupt my morning pages with other very important busy things to do – occasionally to the extent I don’t make it back to them at all)

 

And just as I am leaving a message for my director friend, I get an email from the BBC

An availability check

Now I don’t have an Agent any more and I thought I’d given up Acting

But the BBC would like me to go in and read for an episode of a TV show

 

Blow me down with a feather!

I was shocked through to my core to be honest

More than a little shaky actually

I wanted to see this as a coincidence but

Julia

had just warned me I’d feel that.

Talk about having your prayers answered

 

 

Week four

 

I have a confession to make

I am a huge procrastinator

I will put everything and everyone else’s needs before my own to stop me having to be the creative being that I am

I often watch wonderful films or read great books hoping that through osmosis I will suddenly produce a play or an Oscar winning performance

But this is not how things are created

I have to be creative

Me myself

What stops me?

Fear

Fear of failure

Somewhere deep inside I ask myself ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who am I not to be?

 

And so I am finding the discipline, attention and space to be an artist

And I have seen that - when I do - synchronicity ignites

 

And I am grateful to you Suzy

Thank you

Week 4 The Artist's Way

I read week 4's chapter and thought - 'I can't wait'. Bring it on - tantrums, decluttering, spiritual chiropractice, oh yes, it's all happening in week 4.

Officially, we are recovering a sense of integrity. I definitely feel things are happening if I can't quite articulate what..... I'm having a few dramatic swings - from wanting to do nothing but rest and lie in my newly feathered bed and retreat to reorganising my whole office and throw out moutains of stuff. I even cleaned the inside of my car today. Which is a very rare occurence.

I've also found myself being less tolerant of stuff - be it people or things. The massive old fashioned tv I've had since I was in my twenties that has sat in my dining room for years has just been taken to the dump.

There is some weird satisfaction about going to that dump. Every time I come away with an empty car, I feel my shoulders lift. My son and I sang Abba all the way home.

I'm looking forward to the exercises this week - apart from the reading deprivation? At this point, I'm not even entirely sure I can do it. My excuse is that I'm trying to write my Big Peace book and am reading all the latest brain research. Do I really think I can really take a week off? I've only got another 6 weeks before my deadline.....

And I can't ever seem to fall asleep without reading....will I lie awake and howl at the moon?

But the other exercises I'm really looking forward to - I'm looking forward to being 80 and being all wise and bossy. I'm loving the idea of converting a room and the small vacation??? I'm  booking the babysitters already.

Our homework for week 4:
Morning pages.
Your artist's Date
Your weekly Tasks

I'm building a nest....

I thought it was going to be a gung-ho, high energy, fast-paced week 3. But what do I find myself doing on my artist's date?....Hunting round antique and junk stores for vintage quilts and lace pillow cases....

Last week I bought two duck and goose pillows for my bed....now a beautiful vintage quilt is mine! While my intention was to write my book, my inner artist is quietly building me a nest, with lots of feathers.

My son Charlie has a sleepover tonight, I've been invited out but all I want to do is retire to my nest with my portable DVD player, the box set of the Sopranos and a large mug of tea.

Is it just me? Is anyone else retreating? Is your inner artist doing their own thing this week?

Meltdown Isn't An Option: From guest blogger Gina Langton

Guest Blogger Gina Langton says:

Week 3 is a massive chapter – I think it’s really the pivotal point at where AW’s purpose becomes clear.  It says to me, if you want to unblock then start really nailing those internal culprits – those dreadful stealers of creativity.

 

To be honest, not only am I feeling angry, but frustrated and bereft as well. And I have to admit I’ve found my hand down the cereal packet a couple of times (does anyone else do that?). That’s because there’s too much information to deal with in Chapter 3 – at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself and that I can’t cope with it all.  I observe feelings of meltdown, but I’m not giving in to them.

 

Of course, it’s half term, and the kids are home from school, so that doesn’t help, but almost everything else in my environment has been conspiring to get in the way too. Such as the need to polish bathroom taps, clean out the fridge, and wash the kitchen floor (even when the daily is coming in tomorrow!) – anything to stop me from writing this blog, and that’s not all I have to do today. And to top it all, yesterday I pranged the car. But isn’t this always the way when we are deeply challenging our lives? 

 

It’s all that junk we’ve brought ourselves up on – the uncreative dialogues we’ve been re-running in our heads day in day out.  They are powerfully delusional and energy sapping. Becoming aware about shame and criticism is essential to my future growth, but I’m not going to give myself a hard time about it – what’s passed has passed. I must allow myself to believe that the universe is responsive and intelligent, and as soon as I dare to risk, leap, determine, and dream with renewed spiritual open mindedness, that’s when magical things happen. Synchronicity. I have been there before. I think a lot of us have – I just need reminding sometimes.

 

So I’m bringing the panic/anger levels down a little, taking a few deep breaths, looking for things to be grateful for, praying a little bit more, and reassuring myself in a parental kind of way.  Actually, things aren’t so bad.  I can deal with this stuff of the past.  Also I had quite a successful AW week 2.  I managed to write my morning pages 7/7, do most of the tasks and squeezed in a very enjoyable solo visit to the cinema to see the latest Woody Allen movie. Things are moving along nicely.

 

I chose to do AW, because I needed a catalyst to help me break through a serious impasse. I am aware my anger is different today, because it is precipitating a need for me to take action – and I’m feeling excited – I agree with Suzy that this is going to be a dynamic week. Happily, I have got the bit between my teeth (although I am still quite tempted to scream). I have AW, a nurturing group of co-AW-ees, and my healthy warrior-style anger –I’m not going to allow myself the luxury of procrastination or flipping out – I am going to pay those bills, write that report, do my expenses, and very importantly re-set my dreams. 

 

Thank you Suzy for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts, and here’s to a great week everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

Week 3: The Artist's Way

Week 3 of the Artist's Way and here I am staying in a castle that Hans Christian Anderson wrote about in his fairy tales. My friends Michael and Lissen live here (in fairytale castle, as you do!)  and they have both so much to teach me in terms of creativity.

 

Michael is a food and motoring writer - writing books prolifically about his culinary journeys to Japan, Paris and now Denmark - with lovely his family in tow. His last book Sacre Cordon Bleu was Radio 4's book of the week. Michael is a living, breathing example of earning a wonderful living from his creativity, while also living a lifestyle that most of us would kill for.

They don't own the castle - but rent it and stay here for a while, soaking up the atmosphere and creating a stable base for a few months. Because next they're all off to India for Michael's next book,  about their gastronomic and spiritual journey to India. The past three years, they lived in the middle of Paris, while he wrote about his journey to be a cordon bleu chef! They live a millionaire lifestyle without the millions, are creative every day and their lives are an incredible adventure.

Michael got here by being brave. And as Michael will admit, he's not a brave man. But he takes risks every day. He risks being rejected, risks getting it wrong, risks failure. Now he is reaping the benefits of his risks but at the beginning (we met at journalist school) it wasn't always this good. Michael inspires me because he has kept going, taking risks, knocks, rejections - and he's a sensitive soul so it's not been easy. But he has persevered despite the internal and external blurts that could have potentially floored him.

I introduced him to his wife Lissen, one of my favourite friends and they have now been married 10 years. Lissen is equally creative and makes fantastic jewellery and runs her own jewellery business. www.lissenm.com Her inspiration for her jewellery is imperfection! "It's the flaws I like in people and life. That's what makes people and life interesting. Once you give up on being perfect and truly embrace our imperfection - you can start living and playing from a very free place. It's a fun way to live life. Especially in Denmark, as we are generally a race known for living by the rules. It's interesting to see what happens to you when you refuse to live by the rules that everyone else thinks you should."

What happened to Lissen and Michael is that they get to live an adventure every day, and today, it's in a castle. I hold them up as my inspiration of what happens when you truly surrender to your creativity and think big.

So for me, ending Week 2 spending my time with the opposite of 'crazymakers' can only be good thing.

Week 3, we're recovering a sense of power. And I love the validation of anger! Being a good girl and  people pleaser, I've always found it really hard to roar in anger but recently, I've become really good at it. So I was ever so pleased to read that: "Anger tells us that your old life is dying. It tells us we are being reborn, and birthing hurts.....Anger is the firestorm that signals the death of our old life...Anger will tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our won best interests. Anger is not the action itself. It is action's invitation."

So this week is about taking action - whether you are angry or not.

It's also about synchronicity. When life opens the doors in an unexpectedly spooky and fabulous way.

I think it's going to be dynamic week.

Enjoy.

Week 3 Exercises:
Morning pages - keep it up!
Your Artist's Date - what's your plan?
And make sure you do at least half the exercises at the end of the chapter. Do the ones you like the look of and the ones you have the most resistant to.

Blurt antidote

I know this is really, really cheesy but I loved it. And re. the Artist's Way, it made me think.

 Imagine if we had an inner validator like this guy.....imagine what would happen to our blurts?

So, if you're not put off by the whole cheesiness of this video, try some internal validation today.

"Gee, do you know that you're a talented genius? And you have lovely eyes, and that sentence was just wonderful...." I

Watch the video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

Guest blogger on not throwing in the towel.

Guest blogger Emma Bibby from www.assistantguru.co.uk says:
 

"I am so glad that I committed to doing the Artist's Way this time around.  It helps knowing that so many others are there with me, working through it also, albeit in our own personal ways.  I was skeptical, as I have a tendency to take on too much, and was worried I'd give up half way through.  But, I am feeling determined!  As Jules wrote in the chat room earlier this week - we are a 'brave tribe' - taking the time, and making the effort to try and make positive changes in our lives, even though the process to get there can be painful and massively challenging at times.

 

I have no problems in writing 3 pages each day for my morning pages, although I also feel that it is sometimes a chore as others have mentioned.  So far my morning pages have been alot of negative ranting, and because its a safe environment to let it all out, I've reluctantly found myself writing about issues that maybe I brushed under the carpet before.  However, this negative ranting did not make me feel good - where were all the creative thoughts, 'lightbulb' moments, real breakthroughs in understanding parts of my life? 

 

I have spent many years on developing myself from reading books, attending courses and workshops, to meditation retreats and working in the complementary and alternative health field.  It is an integral part of my life now - self-development - and I do believe in natural ways to help and nurture ourselves, and have built up a repertoire of useful resources and tools over the years to support me when I need it (e.g. meditation techniques, the use of herbal remedies, yoga and eating well).  However, although I know how to make myself feel good - WHY do I not call upon these wonderful tools more often!?

 

My point is, its all very well reading, learning and realising what is good for us...but it is no good unless we actually practice these things, and experience first hand how they make us feel.  Maybe this is why I find resistance to some of the Artist's Way work - when I start seeing my negative rants appear in my morning pages, I am confronted with the fact that despite my years of self-development learning...there is still so much I need to face and really change.  I have already questioned, here in Week 2, whether a) I 'throw in the towel' as I have done so many times before, when faced with my own issues, and carry on regardless, or do I b) decide that this time I will work through it, despite making me feel uncomfortable at times, and make real strides towards positive change.  By doing the Artist's Way I am choosing b)!

 

I am a self-confessed 'Scanner' (a term I've only recently come to know, but immediately identified with!), always wanting to learn more, more, more...yet, this time my greatest challenge is being practical and DOING more, more, more!  So, sitting down with a pad and pen as part of the Artist's Way process, and trying to pinpoint who my self-confidence sabateurs have been in the past, who assisted in stifling my creativity - that, for me is really DOING - and is so hard for me to identify...maybe because I've buried the real answers for so long.  Am still trying to fathom this bit out!  Thinking about what affirmations will help me, and then having to deal with the blurts, that is really DOING - and takes work for me.   Then, practicing the affirmations so that, over time my unconscious mind is convinced that these are my new beliefs, and to forget my outdated negative beliefs - that is DOING...and is, again, a real effort for me.  Still working on this!!

 

But, rather than try to do every single task, to perfection, as I was putting pressure on myself to do...here in Week 2, I'm trying to relax a bit, and do as much as I can...picking those tasks which I would enjoy, plus some I'm resistant too.  Rather than racing through the process, I'm trying to sit back and let it all sink in, and actually DO the practice required (affirmations etc.) and keep this course as a sacred thing for myself - only to be shared with like-minded souls while I work through it...the brave tribe!"

Are you finding your morning pages a chore?

Caite posted today that she is finding the pages a chore, that she's not getting anything great or deep or profound from them and it's making her feel vaguely martyrlike....

Is anyone else finding this?

The morning pages are one of Julia Cameron's key tools. And she might say that you are resistant, Caite.

I found myself resistant last week, spitting and huffing and puffing at the page. But something's changed this week, and I'm spewing like a green rage fountain. It's not pleasant or fragant but better out than in, I say.

Would you be willing to keep on going with the pages, Caite. Commit to work through the resistance - if that's what it is and keep us posted.

It would be good to hear how others are finding it. Although check out the chat room in the Big Leap Zone - there's a lot of conversation about the morning pages there too, Caite. (the password is LEAP)

Suzy x

Week 2: The Artist's Way!

We made it through week 1. I found myself go through a lot of resistance in week 1. I only managed to do the morning pages 4/7. Too busy, said my inner pessimist. 'Stop messing about with this creativity crap, get back to the real work.' So he was quite loud and proud in my head. How about you....?

Affirmations? Did anyone try them? ..I changed my affirmations to appreciations and gratitude. Every day once I had splurged on the page my moanings and bitching and blah-ing in my morning pages, I ended by writing down 5 things I appreciate about my life and 5 things I'm grateful for. Why? Because my inner pessimist only shows up when I'm scared and did you know according to medical psychologists it is neurologically impossible for your brain to create emotions such as gratitude and appreciation while simultaneously feeling afraid?

So that's been helping me this week. Still off the wine, which is also helping me enormously to get to what's really bothering me. When I'm not whining in my morning pages about wine, I drop down a level so I'm talking about the things that are swilling a bit deeper in my psyche. 

How did you find the exercises this week? I think I loved the Imaginary Lives one the best. I want to be scuba diving instructor when I grow up. I didn't like the exercise about writing the letter to enemy but it was cathartic. How did you find it?

Let's chat in the Big Leap Zone if you don't want to comment here. Go to www.thebig-leap.com and go to the big leap zone and then use the password LEAP.

So WEEK 2 BEGINS....This week we are recovering a sense of safety - choosing our creative playmates  wisely and creating strong boundaries around the rest.

I love the part about CRAZYMAKERS in this chapter. I've been on both sides of the fence with this one. I've had all manner of crazymakers in my life and I think I may have been a crazy maker once or twice too. 

I love the exercises in this chapter too because it gets us firmly focussing on what do we enjoy....and often I think we just completely lose sight of that - of our own wants and needs. I've just come out of a 15 year marriage and that's one of the most extraordinary things I'm rediscovering - MY wants and needs (versus having to factor in someone else.) It's lovely to be selfish again and indulge in my choices of music and decoration and films.
And I love the exercise about 10 Tiny Changes....Can I start us off....?
I would like to....buy a duck down pillow for my bed.

Other Exercises this week:
Morning pages every day if you can.
Plan your artist's date.
And try out some of the exercises at the end of the chapter - try the ones that look the most fun and the ones that you have the most resistance too. 

Enjoy this week!

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging....

Well, I told you I had a hot artist's date.
Watched this great film - yes, it's really called Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snoggin - a coming of an age movie about a 15 year old in Eastbourne. Perfect for my inner 15 year old artist child - who needed to be told that I don't have to be perfect to be loved or fabulous....

http://www.angusthongsmovie.com/intl/uk/

How did everyone else get on with their artist's dates?